Chapter 17: Being Loved

“It is better to be Loved and Lost, than not to have both of them at all”

I was 11 that time, when I discovered I had an attraction to the person of the opposite sex. The feeling that is greater and beyond admiration……..it was love. I know, this is the time where boys like us developed a feeling to search the person they find “suits them”.

Some of my classmates had started this “search” and some had success and guess what, a couple was in my class not long. They sat together, talked together, and were smiling at each other every time. Somehow or rather I began to have this feeling and thoughts, “isn’t it wonderful to love….” But love only began when two person of the different sex have the same feelings towards each other, and to have feelings some would need to develop it, by attracting the person of the opposite sex so that he or she may show interest in you.

I was 11 that time; I had this classmate, a boy. He was strong physically, matured, and good looking. Well, his god looking and matured personality attracted many to have feelings for him. I was sitting by the corner of the class, staring at him and the people surrounding him. How I wish I could be like him, being famous in the crowd, and being loved by….girls, knowingly that it wouldn’t happen because I had nothing that can compare with him. I was 11 that time.

9 years had passed, and I’d grown much, currently waiting for my STPM results. Looking back at the past, I’d notice it was just a glance and 9 years had passed, without knowingly my “wish” had came true. I was now, being loved, by others of the opposite sex. Initially I thought it would be glamorous to have that, but in reality, it wasn’t. Love is something wonderful and dangerous, it’s like a burning fire that can enlighten someone or burnt someone on the other hand.  I wonder how was the feeling of the boy I knew 9 years ago who was being loved by many girls.

Being loved was great, but what if there’s only an attraction in one party and not both? That hurts, though. Relationships may collapse due to this, friendship may end in a glance, and hatred will take its part.

I confess, I had feelings towards her, and I know it’s not hidden after all, thanks to my “speakers and amplifiers” around me. Sometimes I received negative feedbacks, and some teasing, about me and her things. Till now, I still have feelings for her, yet waiting for her, to give a confirmation, though sometimes people will say, “she’s yours”, “she actually have feelings for you too” and other stuffs; but, that’s other people’s thinking, not hers.  Some might want to cheer me up and come up with this, who knows. What really matters is her thoughts towards me.

Matters turned complicated when someone came in and say someone have feelings for you knowingly you already had a target. It’s like you can’t turn her down because you love someone, and you can’t accept her because love is loyal. But anyway, you still need to choose. I really hope things can be normal again, because I really don’t want to hurt anyone. I just hope…… We still can be friends, although I turn you down, you feel depress and sad. I just hope……We still can care one and another like friends as we used to be, not because you want to stay away from me.

Hmm…….Love, is complicated eh, anyway, it’s an experience. An experience that one will never forget; maybe you were hurt before by the fire, or sad by the decision decided; but as the days pass, wounds shall be healed and the new light will shine, showing the new path to head on……..