Chapter 13: Back To Step 1

2010, is not a good start for me, wonder why………….. Many things had gone bad, seems like people around me had change their way and mindset on treating me. Perhaps I’m thinking too much, or perhaps, this is called “adulthood”. Wonder what are my seniors thinking or going through when they’re at my age, but anyhow, I felt that some changes from me recently, it’s like the older I grow, the weaker….i go. I don’t know, maybe this is called “inner stress”? Or what so ever. Some things which I like, I began to show disgust on it, what’s more with those that I don’t like. It feels like I don’t have the eagerness to like something, oh well…….crap…*sigh

I…..just don’t get it. I can’t get what they want, or what they want to convey, I’m just confused. I really hope that someone who can really stand by my side and tell me what the heck in the world is going on with me. Is my world turning apart or is the world turning apart…. *sigh

Responsibilities,  responsibilities, and responsibilities, its like a heck of a mountain. What’s worst is I’m bearing other people’s responsibilities. Being “The Black Sheep” ain that fun, though. Bearing other people’s pain for their gain, it’s like shit to me. *sigh

Yea, 4M, Model, Motivate, Mentor, Multiply. How I wish, I can have a model, how I wish, I can have someone to follow, but no. They’re all gone; I’m just a lone ranger, with a bunch of people around me, lost too. Why, are they scared? Are they afraid to take up responsibilities, are they afraid to lead? Are they scare to be model of the small ones? I don’t know. Motivate, yea, at least I had some. But still, it isn’t perfect. Mentor, *sigh……………………… Multiply, I feel like being divide than multiply.

Right, these complain, condemning, such words from me, a model to the young ones, a leader for the future. Maybe I’m climbing too high, maybe the air pressure on the top is lower, that makes me unable to breath, maybe I’m just too fast, or too high, maybe I should stop, or hang on, from pressing on, maybe, I should go back, should I restart? should I reset? or to go back……to step one……..