Chapter 41: From November to December...

Its been a long time since I update my blog. School hols is always the time where I spent my entire time in church. Thank God my hols started early, I had the chance to help in Show Time, Impact Camp, mission trips, Xmas!!…J ( I wonder is this God’s arrangement)

Wow, 4 weeks passed. As I opened my room door in hostel, I sat on my bed. Things remained the same, nothing’s changed. And now as I sat on my desk, feeling the cool breeze around my room while listening to the rain drops…..It feels like I was away at a moment, and now I’m back to my room, my desk…the holidays were short

Hmm… Indeed, I didn’t notice 4 weeks had passed, seems that many events blurred my sense of time. First was the Show Time event, had sports day and audition plus the actual day. Then came Impact Camp, the best camp ever attended. Spiritual atmosphere was strong and many were touched by the spirit of God. Ps Jonathan also challenged us to be crazy for Jesus. After hearing what he shared about “crazy for Jesus” I found out myself is just nothing to be compared to the youth of Ps Jonathan’s church.

Ah, mission trip @ Kota Bharu. This is my 3rd time there though, and we went as “the best team”. Yeah, the best team.......everyone used their potential and skills to the top…Ann jie director of drama plus 2 different kinds of role while me……drama plus keyboardist plus chorus board-ing….pooh…@@ tiring though… But despite that, it was worth it. 2nd night when altar call there’re new friends accepted Christ, thus increasing their church members’ faith as they harvest. There goes 3 days….Oh ya, the Firefly we boarded from KB to Subang sucks….:(

Woohoo! Here comes the 4320 Xmas event of our church… And this time is A-awe-some! We had d&b AudioTeknick to be our sound man and guess what, they REALLY ARE professionals. (Judging the way they carry their stuffs, managing and care, plus their knowledge). The whole 4320 thingy is about the drama. Pooh, it should be a touching drama, but maybe its too close to perfection till audience were inspired. I remembered when there was this earthquake, and audience was clapping hands coz the team manage to turn the whole stage topsy-turvy in 30 seconds…..Well, I also thought of having the audience shocked but it turned out they’re clapping hands. Plus when sad events came they laugh pula…== (probably they’re inspired by how talented the actors and actress are). You should see the looks of our director Kevin…….so…..Fired up…. But, God does the supernatural things. In the end many came out and accepted Christ… Cool….

Chapter 40: cHaPtEr FoRtY

Ah, it’s been a long time since I ever posted anything..Update update…..

Hmm...Lately I’ve been listening to Yiruma’s album. The songs were perfect.:) Contemporary music that suits my taste. Here are some of it..

this is one of the album called "From the Yellow Room" nice one...

another one called Noctural Lights.....hmm, this one is kinda jazzy bit..

I've downloaded 7 albums if not mistaken.....Nice songs....These are the songs that company me from day till night..haha

What’s next, oh yea… my exams…sigh…. It sucks, hard. First, I didn’t got to read my Social Science subject coz after reading the book for one hour, I did other things for three four hours, then I continued reading for another hour. That’s all for reading. Kinda have no fate with books, cant stand reading for more than an hour. Okay, 4 days before the Social Science exam, and that’s my daily routine: Eat, Sleep, Play, Study, till I forgotten that I didn’t bath on Monday..==

And guess what, during that day, exam day, I went to the exam hall, with jeans and sport shoes. To my surprise my mates told me that black slack is required, no jeans allowed. I was shocked, as there was no time for me to run back to my room (half hour distance). So I went to my friend’s hostel (thank god he’s there) to borrowed a pair of black slack and a pair of black shoes. Silly me, I left my bag to other friend, and he actually switched off his mobile as he went in to the exam hall. I was damn panic, coz my matric card is in my bag!! I searched high and low, cant find em. Guess what, I went in to the 500+ sitter hall to look for my friend and get him to take me to my bag. That time the paper is going to start….== Well, I made it, fetched my matric card and off to exam. Was having kinda like adrenaline rush feelings…. My so called “gan cheong-ness” had not subside and I have to face this tough paper. Eventually, I finished early, and went back, without giving another glance at the paper (coz I already don know what to write.==). Hah, went back and almost felt sick.

Kay, next… Sunday’s exam. Sigh, it was a damn thing to have exam on Sundays.  Those people in the management are putting other races’ joy upon Christian’s miseries. Oh well, today (Sunday) I had this Tamadun Islam dan Tamadun Asia, well so far for its Tamadun Asia, the whole text book 70% is about Islamic studies. All the Quran verses and meanings in it make me feel sick while reading, plus those blasphemies and extremist words used by authors. Nearly got brainwashed…. Well, the REALLY big deal is……..I didn’t have enough time to read. At the very last minute some friends gave me some really detailed tips about what’s coming out for exam, and I ignored reading the past year questions.

Sigh, the exam turns out to have most of the 2007 paper questions…..Hard time for me….All for the effort reading till 4am and it came out mostly from past year. If I’d notice, I just read the past year and neglect this study-till-4am thus I just need to spend like one or two hours and I can have rest……hmm., oh well…what a past…

Chapter 39: Realized....

Yeah, people do have many faces. They smile at you and laugh and you and what they do? They did another thing behind you. Ah, what a damn thing to know that this friend is like this. Firstly I was thinking that he has good virtues and good manners, but recently I heard some negative feedbacks about him.

Well, the story goes like this.....

This guy and me got into the same group for doing an assessment. We need to setup a blog and discuss a title given by the lecturer. Plus we have ample of time to complete it, and putting it into a presentation. However, I was so disappointed towards his attitude of doing things. This assessment was dragged to the very last minute, nothing was posted. First i began to worry so i did my part of posting. But lecturer threw me a question about the lacking and in the end I'd decided to redo. Fine, this, I'm ok. We are supposed to discuss what to post, but foolish me I didn't take serious notice towards this post, and that guy didn't say anything about it. I began to question myself, "is this a group work? Aren't members supposed to keep track of everyone's progress?" Fine, I swallowed this responsibility. I redo in the very last minute, and within a very short period of time. Imagine doing 8 weeks homework in 8 hours, freaking right.

Well, fine, I do, I didn't sleep much, probably 2 hours plus only. The problem came when this fellow kept giving me excuses about problems he faced. First he didn't posted what he supposed to post, and he dragged it so long, that I need to cover his ass for him, pretty smart eh. To make situation worst, this fellow spent his weekends going out town to play while he is supposed to do his work. If he didn't go out, he might have finished it. To make things ever worst, before this guy goes out, he actually went and disturb other group mates who are preparing for their presentation. He actually wants to pull another fellow from another group to accompany him to go out town. Then, of course this fellow rejected to go out with him, because their busy preparing. So everyone is kinda dislikes him. He talks, but seldom does things.

Well, instead of preparing, this guy went out town to play and came back late, leaving everything undone. And I came back to help him clean his shit. Oh damn, it was not good. I spent almost the whole night, and slept 2 plus hours only doing my thing plus his things. Then the next morning i got up very early also to "zap" his "sao mei". He asked me to meet him at the faculty. I was like "wow, you're asking me to do your things and asking me to reach earlier", what the.....

And hell yes, i speed up, very fast and reached the faculty. Didn't saw him, I went to the classroom, didn't saw him either. Fine, I do the amendments myself. And you know what, he actually came late to class.....=.= What is this bullshit huh? Asking me to come earlier but coming late yourself. And what the f*** is this? Doing your shit and you go out play? Tch....

Guess what, there goes this presentation, and I got all the credits. But my real point is, this guy is so irresponsible. Sigh, sleeping for 2 hours only a day its like going on high dosage if alcohol  or ecstasy, it feels groggy though.

Chapter 38: 珍惜

在忙碌的下午中，
忙着背好明天的搞，
突然，
接了一通电话，
一个惊人的一通电话，
这一通电话，
就这样把我吓呆了几秒钟。
听了这一通电话，
愉快准备明天的笑片的心情，
仿佛就好像从开心的高处，
跌到深谷。

一个人，
失去生命上最宝贵的….
从小看到你长大，
从小照顾你，爱你，疼你，
竟然就这样，走了。
失去了，就没了。

人的生命，
就这样短暂。
若不珍惜，
失去了，就没了。

……讲了那么多，
都还没到终点呢。
其实，
走了，就是一位妈妈，
失去的，就是一位朋友。

虽然失去的不是我，
可是，心里也默默地，
为她伤心。
为什么，她的妈妈，
那么快就走了呢，
女儿在大学都还没毕业，
妈妈就走了。

唉，人的生命，
不在自己的手中，
所以，
应该要珍惜，
生边中最宝贵人。
不，应该说，
身边中的每一个人，
珍惜每一个时刻。

Chapter 37: Dad's....

Speaking bout dad's....

Youth nowadays will give a negative face impression about their dad's, few will actually praise them. Some might even say they're useless.

Well i'm a youth (still consider lar...), but in this post you're not going to find negative post. Heh...

Sat night, after bible class and everything, i went home as usual, with some frustrations about the service due some sad reasons. As i was about to do my homework, dad came to me and talked to me. It was just a chat, good come-a-long conversation. Before this i was talking to a very good friend, told the person about my worries and disappointment, and i ended up still being quite disappointed. But dad came to me, talk to me, and guess what, he actually knows how i feel, what i'm actually going through. Studies, ministries...etc..... It was quite a meaningful talk. First time, my dad actually talked to me in this manner.

Hmm~~ So what's my point of posting this? heh, nothing in particular. Just wanna share how great is my dad can be...haha.... So as to share to readers of this post that to cherish your parents when they're still alive. Sometimes the things they did might hurt our feelings but parents are always caring to their children, no matter how old they grow. I'd came across some great dads from friends i know. Some would wait for their children to come back home only they go to bed, some would sit at the sofa to ensure their children is safely home. Well, dad's are always amazing.

So hmm... to those who have dad's, how about spending time with them. "Take them for breakfast lar" said by Ps Meng. Though its just a breakfast but the time there is precious. For those whose parents are far away, take some time to see them, at least they know that their children living in another city is safe. It may be far for some people to travel home, but, it's worth the time.

Chapter 36: Parrots...

Parrots....are noisy...... If you've seen one, you'll know the characteristics of it. Well, sad to say, I...have one in my class.

      Today as I was attending the tutorial class, we had a test. After that, we had a slight discussion on our forum topic. It's when this parrot came in and sat down with the first line: "Can i join ur group ar?". Feeling reluctantly, i replied with a "dunno, ask them" and pointing to the rest of my group mates. Well, they agreed.

     Guess what, this parrot kept babbling and babbling about joining this activity, going that meeting, kinda like disturbing our discussion, and won't stop. This parrot, was a female chinese coursemate. Oh man, the whole entire discussion she was like "come join la jason, join this la join that la, you know those ppl will scold us if we din ask ppl to join ar..". Later on things getting worst, her hands!, my goodness.....came touching and rubbing my hand. MY GOD! What the hell is this? Molest? Abuse? "Wei, i'm not ur hubby lar, pls respect" i thought, but i din say it out. I kept quiet, remained silent, and read my book while thinking about my discussion topic. Then this parrot (she) went to ask those malay fren (groupmates) who are also in the midst of brainstorming for points. She asked and asked plus making "unnecessarily noises" over the table.

For once, i can confirm that...
1. She's noisy.
2. She's not helping.
3. She's too over.
4, She's not respecting me.

And i feel that.......................I wanna give her a HIGH 5.....RIGHT ONTO HER FACE......It pisses me off!

I don know why, these people (not only her, there's more), they're like...hmm.... I dunno what words to describe...(fanatics probably?)......in promoting their society. And what's worst is......They're chinese, they're my kind. To me their "throwing our kind's face" (diu sai tong yan geh ga in cantonese). Why on earth are you guys so.......hmm....i dunno.... You see, you're expecting me to join your society, but all the while you don have a good study attitude, and u kept saying that if i don join they will scold. From this you've already baffled out all the negative things about your....stuffs....How would u expect me to join?

Heh, guess what, i'm suspecting something too.... I'm just wondering are you (the parrot, she) treating me so good all the while just to pull me into ur society? hmph....

Chapter 35: Cuck-koo...

hah, kinda free now...a bit.. While waiting for ma mates to complete da assignment....ha, speaking of assignment, lecturer told us a shocking news to us, "Tomorrow is your presentations". Everyone paused, it seemed like time stopper had stop the time. Everyone was astonished with "!" on their face, or perhaps a "?" for some. For me, i'm "!?".......haha.....

Everything was unprepared, unorganized. Everyone did everything in the last minute. Well, I just finished my nightmare of pengantar sains sosial presentation. Today, was a very......good day. The head of lecturer came and watch our presentation. And guess what, when i was presenting she say, "ini konsep salah, wrong concept". Indirectly, it means, wrong presentation lo..... Sigh... But never mind, compare to my other mates, she actually praise me for my points....Haha...

So now, preparing tomorrow's presentation. Pooh, one after another. Monday is another presentation again..=.=... Think i'm goin cuckoo d for these days. 

Chapter 34: 又累，又泪

这几天，真的好累，真的好累。不晓得为什么，我显得那么忙，而别人显得那么轻松。同一样的一科，同样的一班，可是为什么感觉上，我比他们累。几乎，我走的路，好像比较远。他们走一步，我可能要走三四步。

相处了那么久，你们还是这一个样子。办事能力，唉。责任，唉。感觉上我好像在背着你们的责任。你们的心，到底去了哪里... 遇到不同的环境，“oh man jason i think this is too new for me, this is so different from form 6 life"，当然啦，不过为何不尝试去改变。整天那个样子，唉。还有，"jason, i think this is too much for me," 唉，去改变咯。还有一个，“jason, ini tak boleh la, itu tak boleh la." 若你是男的，我觉得，我会给你一个high 5 在你的脸上。唉，真是受不了。为何又不听你说“jason, lets solve this together, i think this this will be better" ，唉。

这一科，以马来文教，可是参考书是英文，真是令人感到好奇。明明是英国人的历史，可是所教的语文是马来文。做么酱叻，哦，因为有很多马............听到这一点，心里又不耐烦了。现在，又有presentation, 以马来文表达。奇怪，我是英文科，怎么用马来文表达，甚至用英文会被扣分。炸到....

....................刚流了几滴的泪水，好累，也好多的泪，也在呼求神。我深深感觉到，这是神的考验。不晓得，祂想对我说些什么.....

其实，我真的很想，如果，有，一些同族的朋友，可以在我身旁，帮助我。至少，给我的感觉，我不是一个人在做，乃是我们一起做。目前，眼前只能对着这一班性马的人，说到这里，我只能以“唉”这个字来结束.....

唉...............................................

Chapter 33: + & -

Lately I’m just negative, I wonder what had happen to me. Hmm… Seems that I have no mood to do everything. I just wanna ignore everything, escape everything and just…hmm…
hmm…hide? Probably yes. Even my school stuffs I would have this intention to hide from it, to run away from it, and now I’ve piles of things undone….Crap….

Friday, 17th of September, is my cell’s school’s Mid-Autumn Party. All plans were last minute decision and even though the day has come and I’m still in a blur case… Frankly, I admit, I didn’t put any effort to run nor help my mates in this party. I just don’t know why this, will happen to me. As if I was not me, I’ve no heart for things, just, felt like ignoring everything. Well, mid autumn party, yeah, it was a party, till before the day, sis mei lin came and approach me and challenge me to do an altar call. “Pooh SHIT!! What?!” (I was thinking that time). So unprepared, so last minute, made me almost sleepless night and “mood-less” to do everything. Goodness me, heart attack…=.=” Asking the wrong person to do wrong thing at wrong situation. Perhaps she doesn’t understand though, hmm… Well, asking me to share something is already gonna take me a lifetime to prepare, 更何况is altar call…. Haha…. I’ve been thinking shit.. Haha… Anyway, in this last minute case, the presence of God and Holy Spirit is important. Ask me how are you gonna do the altar call now (17/9/2010, 10:15am), i…..have no idea… I’m just….haha…tense…

Hmm…..lets share something positive now, those (up) were the negative thoughts. Yeah, youth camp, it was awesome. Seeing our CC experiencing miracles and miracles makes me wanna give all the glory to Him. Though I was not in the management team, I don’t know what actually happen, till that night, 2nd night, he shared the miracles to me, and I was astonished. Wow, I didn’t knew that you guys are facing troubles along the way, coz’ the camp all around, was good, and awesome, seeing so many youth throwing out themselves with confidence and talents, plus developed their leadership skills. Haha… Although everyone was tired siao that 3 days, hot and sweat till crazy that day, but I believe that they enjoyed.

Personally, I think that serving in youth ministry, is still valuable. And this value, is eternal, coz’ we’re building lives, do you amen? Hah….

Chapter 33: Problem vs Solution

He who faces problem,
he runs, he hides, he escapes,
runs from the situation,
hides from people,
and escapes responsibility.
Irresponsible person, shun him

He who faces problem,
he worries, he panics, he struggles,
worry about himself,
panic in the situation,
and struggling to solve the problem.
He's in need, help him.

He who faces problem,

he's blur, he's lost, he doesn't know, 

blur about what's happening,

lost in the situation,

and doesn't know he's facing a problem.

He's asleep, wake him.

He who faces problem,

he knows, he tries, but failed,

knows that there's a problem,

tries to solve it,

but failed.

He's trying, teach him.

He who faces problem,

he's positive, he finds solutions, and solved,

positive towards what he's facing,

finds ways to solve the situation,

and successfully solved the problem.

He's wise, follow him.

There're many people in the world, having different kinds of attitude when they face challenges and problems, some good some bad. The best attitude when facing problems is......solve em......tat's all....don hide....

..................just....feeling like yelling..................

i.....need.....to.....................

YELL!!!!!!

geramnya me.....


you people just can't arrange things in a systematic way.

Dunno this dunno that....

What you know then....

Management sucks, time management, PUI!!!

wonder what you guys are doing up there, watching tv's huh? so relax la huh? 
how to raise KPI?? attitude la pls... buat kerja like this...... notis one minggu earlier cannot ar....
very busy meh har, sembang here and there, no need buat kerja lah.....


Oh well...... anger released....... cool and calm....fu~~

Chapter 32: Choices

Choices, is something you can choose, is an act, of choosing two possibilities or more. Yet making the final decision is rather tougher than I thought, since both parties also need to give way.

Decision making is still tough for me, as final decisions are often made based on strong supporting facts and not by feelings. Plus, more of the time I do make foolish decision; immature thinking, and always lead by emotions.

Hmm…. Choices and choices…. Wonder what best choice is for me. Someone approached me a while ago in the afternoons. Apparently he was finding recruitments for AJK post for the “Pesta Ang Pow” (Ang Pow Festival). Joining it will be having almost a hectic schedule for me, as meeting s and activities might be held during the weekends, which means……..not going back, not going for ministry, and not seeing family.

Hah, this may seems hilarious to you. “It’s a great opportunity to join because you can learn many things and get to know others and more networks.” said someone. “This is a very big and grand event because the datuk’s are attending.” said another. What was shocking was one of my course mates handed me an application form. “nah, fill in this and you’re under ajk of my group”, said her.  Astonished and speechless, I took the form and went back to my room. I then rejected to fill in the form and she gave me a kinda disturbing reply, “I don’t care, if you don’t fill in you need to find another one to replace you.” Wow, I, felt, a little threaten. Just about then the tone of her speech dropped, “Please la, we need to recruit 15 AJK’s, its very tough for us.” she uttered. Sigh, first I felt compassionate for her ‘coz of having so much pressure in finding AJKs. But, entering it will be a bon’voyage to church ministries, as follow ups are needed to be done. Well, its kinda hard to make choices like this. Its like not accepting it, the friendship between us may lead to bad impression, or whatsoever. Accepting it, well, hmm…….its stated above then.

Sigh, to take or not to take. The philosophy of The Matrix stated, “The blue pill or the red pill”, said Morpheus to Neo, which the decision made by Neo will eventually change his life. Yet for me it’s not that crucial, just an example. Robert Frost, a famous poet, “The Road not Taken” stated he took the path where the least people will choose, and it leads him to an unregretful result. Choosing wisely is crucial.

So Jason, which path you’ll choose, what pill will you take?

What does the Bible says?  “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Phil 4:6. Yea, I shouldn’t be worrying about things like this,  I should thank God, for giving this kinda situation for me to learn something, (God ar, pls no next time ar….pls pls) and not to worry.

Chapter 31: Hmm... I wonder, just wonder, only wondering....

Lately, there's been a change....
of the perspective from people's view....
towards me...

Let me see...
Is it because i entered uni so fast....
and without informing anyone else??...

Hmm....
I wonder, just wondering....
Can it be true? Or is it not?

Just observed...
Some people's eyes towards me...
Are they criticizing? Condemning? or Joking?

Hmm....

I wonder, just wondering....
Can it be true? Or is it not?

Their words.....
Are kinda sharp....
or am i being too sensitive?

Hmm....

I wonder, just wondering....
Can it be true? Or is it not?

There's a phrase saying....
Don't let your eyes fool you...
Yea, eyes do fool you sometimes...
But not sometimes too...

Hmm....

I wonder, just wondering....
Can it be true? Or is it not?

Just wondering....just wondering....
Relax, i'm cool, i'm fine, i'm just wondering...
If it's true, i'm alright....

Chapter 30: 离....别

第一次认识你，就觉得你的人真好。
可是为什么，你还是选择离开呢？
好多为什么，好奇怪，好难过，但最终的是，
好舍不得.....

第一天来到大学，什么都不懂，什么都不了解。
还好有了你，帮了我许多的忙。
遇到不足的时候，你都会帮我。
可是，现在你要走了，
只好和你说声谢谢。
谢谢你一路来的帮忙。

那么，最后祝你有个美好的前途，神祝福你。

Chapter 29: The Experience that called 经历

     Its been a month since i updated my blogs. Kinda rush due to heavy workloads from the Destiny event. Follow ups to do, changes to be made, things to be confirmed......
    
     While i can barely catch my breath, here comes another shot - enter Uni. It was just like having culture shock, without being prepared, and doing things in the very last minute. It was so last that i just accepted the offer letter online on that day of registration - 12am, while others might have accepted earlier and went to do their prep before entering Uni. Let me just say, it was the grace of God

     Without Him, it wouldn't be successful. From the time 12am 26th July to 12am 27th July, i can see His guidance for me. It was just like you're walking on a path where you have no ideas what awaits you, only a thick fog in front, no light, no path. You'll feel completely clueless what to do next. Here, i felt i was walking, and stopping for the Lord to show me the way. I took the first step, and He opens another step, i took that step, waited, and He opened another step for me. Trust me, you won't like stopping in the middle of somewhere nowhere.

     Well, thank God i entered this Uni, though i didn't get what i wanted, but i still can sense He's leading me. To speak the truth, everyone was amazed how i get into here, when i told them all the last minute thingy i did. But what can i say, it was the grace of God. Truly i was not worthy to Him, but again and again He showed me, guided me and lead me. Through this i only can learn to be more humble, and nothing i can boast about, its just the grace of God.

     Think i've been through another level of my life, my life of growing up. Its no fun either, but this is what i came through. But what's important, its the lesson within, a lesson to remember; to be more alert, because everything is in His plans. This experience, is called 经历, not 经验....

Chapter 28: So Many Things.....

Wa, this June de school hols, feels like sitting on a surfboard and surfing waves and waves of sea water....

5th June.....
went Penang, met my classmates, lost in Penang for 2 hours..=.="

7th June.....
back from Penang, finally can rest, but who knows, time is short, just close an eye, the sun rises..

9th June.....
went Kota Bharu again. This time we brought our kids team and youth team to give them workshops as we see they are very longing to improve, teach them everything we know. I even share there....Phew, normally i used to share wit cell members, but this time, its a different crowd. Though its just a demo-mock-cell, we really have fun, and God was with me, i know. When i shared, all my words didn't come from my head, its like Holy Spirit guiding me sharing, anyway, its great! Haha, and thanks to JC and Deric , they both did their part. JC lead ice breaker (games suggested by Deric, and ended up falling into his own trap..=.=''). Deric lead p&w; discussed on the previous night what song to sing. The funny part is he actually forgets the song that he wanted to lead, and then when i was playing guitar he was so quiet, i thought what happen to him, only to know that he came to me and everyone pause and listen what he asked me, "唱什么歌了啊？" Yup, that's him...Haha...

their p&w team there was great too.... 11 yrs old Joshua, the drummer over there can play so well, man first time i see a drummer so young yet so talented. He can play songs like man you neng li so good that our team there who work together with them was amazed. Guess what, he loves us to, especially JC jie, she admire him sooooo much oh....

went around Kota Bharu, with Ps Wong bringing us here and there. Went marketplace, beach and makan makan here and there. He sits in a bro's car with Ps Meng while rest of us sit van.... Guess who's drivin, me...=.='' Nice van though.... Went eating Thai food too. 10 dishes on a table, and there were 7 of us only. But we ate so fast that 10 dishes was "wet wet water" to us only...Haha...

11th June.....
came back to KL again and continue with our services in Sat and Sun.

14th June.....

before i can rest much, Monday we went sing k. Then movie and night we went video shooting. It was very late when we go back, its around 1:30am.... I was so tired...

15th June.....

not even 6 hours of sleep i got up, and went to Ps Philip leader's meeting with our leaders in early morning. I was exhausted though, and after that, i felt sick due to insufficient rest and water.

16th - 19th June.....

Yeah, i was sick, very badly sick. Missed 2 days of A4J. Consult doctor and get a bam of medical bill - RM107 on consultation and medication. =.=". Luckily i was healed on the 3rd day, and i of course attend the conference lah. Din hear much of Ps Philip's sharing, in fact Ps Moro's sharing that's still in my mind now. He said that we need to catch our leader's vision, and take it as our vision, so that we don do things on behalf of task fulfillment. Yeah, he's right, perhaps many times i do things is because of task fulfillment, and neglected the real deal in it.. So, that's it. 2 weeks, and results for uni came out, though i din get any, (still in appeal) but i still have faith in God, thanks to tze hoe who gave me encouragement.

Chapter 27: L.O.S.T.

 It was midnight (0000hrs, Sunday, 6th of June, 2010), and i was in my car, trying to find directions to get to my pals nearby. After dropping my parents at the hotel, i straight pull off to find my friends.

As i turned and turned, i didn't notice that i'd took the wrong routes, and yet i was still turning left and right to find the correct route. After a 15 minutes of marry-go-round the place, i came back to the place where i started my journey. Feeling weird, i tried starting all over again and began turning and turning, and guess what, i came back to the origin again, pretty weird.

"Hmm, lets try again," i thought. Pulling off again from the origin and began driving and turning. This time it was different, i drove for more than 20 minutes and i didn't manage to get to my destination, till then i know something - I was lost.

It was my first time driving in Penang, and in this late night, where roadsigns were hardly to be seen. All you can see is trees and houses, and it seemed like every road you go into is the same. Well i was so disappointed at first, having convinced and believing my mom said, "Penang roads are very easy to find, if you're lost, you just turn here turn there and you can come back to your original place." Well, so far it went turning here and there, i almost journeyed the most of Penang island.

Going from far to further, i began to panic. It seemed like no matter how many times i turn, i will get confused by the routes. Plus what makes matters worst is whenever i turned into a new route, i will gradually lost memory of the route i previously traveled. Scary huh, being lost in the middle of the night. Eventually i travel from places where there're many cars to places that no cars, and i nearly went into a crash course by going into other vehicle's lane coz i didn't know that it was a one-way route. As i saw cars coming i quickly turn my steering to maneuver my directions. Pooh, what a relief!!

As time pass, i've been turning here and there, guess what, i'd spend 2 hours, lost. I went to Pulau Tikus, Gurney Drive.......and almost headed towards the Penang Bridge, which was heading back ti KL..........

It was 0130hrs where a light at the petrol bar shines, indicating that fuel is running low, i was to my afraid till my nerve, never thought fear had overcame me. My friends were waiting for me till most of them were tired. But at last, i noticed they had a map and asked them to direct me.

But just before i can start asking, i came into a massive jam, a massive jam at almost 0130hrs in the morning. Fuel is running low and so was my phone's battery. This jam was due to.......a roadblock, =.=" oh well....

Of course, when men were to the brim of their hopes they'll called to God. Thankfully, He listened. After that block i managed to get the correct directions and went to my friends. Initially i thought of eating with them, but  seeing them fatigue, i decided to fetch them back to their hotel.

Ah, it was a relieved, truly relief!! I was like having an adrenaline rush, pooh!! But thankfully i was able to get out of that nightmare. When i study the map of my friends had brought, i only noticed i was then turning rounds and rounds over that route that i needed to take, but i just can't turn into it. Still remember i mentioned that there're places where no cars can be seen? Yea, one of them is the cemetery.... Ew... goodness gracious...

At 0230hrs, i began to make my leave and head back to rest. I was....lost again.. Argh... But thank God, i am  able to turn back to my staying place and i parked my car to head up to my room.....What a nightmare. It was a terrible experience i ever had in my driving life. I never had been lost for that long before, normally i would find the signboards and take the correct route. But here Penang, there were few or NO signboards and less landmarks. Driving there at night with no familiarities of the routes there will ended up having a wild goose chase...

Chapter 26: A Little Improvement

I've been working in church, as training staff, for....4 months. This, is the 5th. Though everyday is kinda busy day, but the most important thing is the spirit in you.

Besides coming in as a training worker, i thought of fulfilling some things that i ought to do as a leader and i'm unable to do during my school life. I wanted to spend more time with my...."sheep" that are in need. Jesus once asked Peter 3 times, "do you love me?" 3 times. Why 3 times? I put myself into Peter's shoes, and try to answer Him, only i found out, i have a burden in this.


Oh well, i started doing this "feeding" in this new bible study group, which now changed into a cell group, in Sentul. It started out badly, as i can see their so called "special" characteristics. Unwillingness, temper, laziness....... You'll feel giving up, as how many times you share and how many times you remind, they're still the same. Sigh, i was to the brim of it, going to give up. 


One day I asked God, "how ar, like no improvement le, go there macam waste time saja la. I wanna see improvement, aren't they Yours?? Its 4 months and there is no change...." Well, God works in His time, not the time i set, and i'm just His servant.

Weeks after weeks, i went there as usual, but this time, i noticed some changes in some people. They become kinda different from the "old" person. They're serious, they pray, they read the bible and they want the presence of God. 


Wow, God gives hope when i'm going to give up. Thank God, i really didn't give up, persistent to the end. Although this is just a little improvement, but seriously, it's worth the long run.......

.......love this.....^^

Chapter 25: Whoa....

Whoa..... many things to do dao.....@@

Piles of work, databases, name lists, activities need to be done...And its all in this week!!! Oh man.... Could merely catch my breath.

What make things worst, i had a terrible day on Sunday. Well, as usual lar, kena marah la, kena cakap la, kena this and that. Arrows came "fiu" at top speed and shot shot shot. That particular day was not a good day, maybe it was fun for some but certainly, not for me. Sigh.

Thank God, Tuesday night during choir class, JC held a short prayer, though its short, but the presence of the Holy Spirit was so strong till everyone was touched by it, and of course, tears roll down from their eyes. Haha, not me, i wasn't shedding tears, but i know one thing, God wants me to be released from that emotional boundaries. Well, it really happened, it was all gone, i feel relieved. Thank God, it was His planning, i thought.

That night after dinner i spent some time talking and chatting with a member of cell group. It was my first time calling him and talking so long coz we meet each other every week. Can't think that he is so fill with sense of humour. We chat so long, laughing here and there, and it was merely crap in our topic, =.=. And guess what, it made me sleep at 1am.... ZZZ

Haha, guess i was back to normal again, able to stand up again. Thank you, Jesus...

Chapter 24: Sacrifice

Mothers' sacrifice were the biggest, yet touching, though sometimes we wouldn't know, they were the ones behind us giving us support, backing us up, covering our shame, so that we can have a better life. Here's one story i would like to share, please think of it after you read....

My mom only had one eye. I hated her... she was such an embarrassment. My mom ran a small shop at a flea market. She collected little weeds and such to sell... anything for the money we needed she was such an embarrassment. There was this one day during elementary school. I remember that it was field day, and my mom came. I was so embarrassed. How could she do this to me? I threw her a hateful look and ran out. The next day at school..."Your mom only has one eye?!" and they taunted me.

I wished that my mom would just disappear from this world so I said to my mom, "Mom, why don't you have the other eye?! You're only going to make me a laughingstock. Why don't you just die?" My mom did not respond. I guess I felt a little bad, but at the same time, it felt good to think that I had said what I'd wanted to say all this time.

Maybe it was because my mom hadn't punished me, but I didn't think that I had hurt her feelings very badly.

That night...I woke up, and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. My mom was crying there, so quietly, as if she was afraid that she might wake me. I took a look at her, and then turned away. Because of the thing I had said to her earlier, there was something pinching at me in the corner of my heart. Even so, I hated my mother who was crying out of her one eye. So I told myself that I would grow up and become successful, because I hated my one-eyed mom and our desperate poverty.

Then I studied really hard. I left my mother and came to Seoul and studied, and got accepted in the Seoul University with all the confidence I had. Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. Then I had kids, too. Now I'm living happily as a successful man. I like it here because it's a place that doesn't remind me of my mom.

This happiness was getting bigger and bigger, when someone unexpected came to see me "What?! Who's this?!" ...It was my mother...Still with her one eye. It felt as if the whole sky was falling apart on me. My little girl ran away, scared of my mom's eye.

And I asked her, "Who are you? I don't know you!!!" as if I tried to make that real. I screamed at her "How dare you come to my house and scare my daughter! GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!" And to this, my mother quietly answered, "oh, I'm so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address," and she disappeared. Thank good ness... she doesn't recognize me. I was quite relieved. I told myself that I wasn't going to care, or think about this for the rest of my life.

Then a wave of relief came upon me...one day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. I lied to my wife saying that I was going on a business trip. After the reunion, I went down to the old shack, that I used to call a house...just out of curiosity there, I found my mother fallen on the cold ground. But I did not shed a single tear. She had a piece of paper in her hand.... it was a letter to me.

She wrote:
My son...
I think my life has been long enough now. And... I won't visit Seoul anymore... but would it be too much to ask if I wanted you to come visit me once in a while? I miss you so much. And I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I decided not to go to the school.... For you... I'm sorry that I only have one eye, and I was an embarrassment for you.

You see, when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mother, I couldn't stand watching you having to grow up with only one eye... so I gave you mine...I was so proud of my son that was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye. I was never upset at you for anything you did. The couple times that you were angry with me. I thought to myself, 'it's because he loves me.' I miss the times when you were still young around me.

I miss you so much. I love you. You mean the world to me.
My world shattered!!!

Then I cried for the person who lived for me... My Mother

Chapter 23: Pooh....

Pooh.....Lost my teenage years in hours ago.....man, this is like entering a new arena or a new kinda level of life d.....Wonder how my seniors think when they'd reached this level...

Oh well, yea, my birthday, today, and i posted my blog. Received so many wishes from friends and friends, some would post it on fb while some would willing to stay up so late to company me, oh so touched..T.T......Finished my whole roll of tissue in the toilet edi...haha...Anyway, thanks for the wishes..

I recalled some people asking me, "what do you want for your birthday?". Haha..... Me? I want? haha...many lor.... Car lo, money lo, good uni lo, and good lui....oh oh...oops.... wrong... Haha.... They were so astonished to hear my request when they heard "car", "money"....XD....

Well, those above are kinda materialistic type-of-want that i want....haha. But actually, what i really want, hmm.... Is a breakthrough, a breakthrough in everything, i wanna do those that i failed to do last time, and to fulfill it this time, to choose a correct path, to enter God's destiny. This is what i want, deep inside me.

P/S: some would say, "oh since he say this then this year no need buy gift for Jason d lo...." hahahaha!!!

Chapter 22: 价值

      我究竟为何而活？活着有什么意义？这都是人类在问的问题。不管年龄的大小，你都会听到这两句从他们的口中出现。那么，你究竟为何而活？活得有意义吗？从小长大，读书就业，努力赚钱，然后就走了。是这样吗？那我们生活的价值呢？
                两张纸，一张是空白的，一张是纸币，两张都是纸，可是分别是它们的价值。今天，我们都是人，但是我们是否是那张拥有价值的纸币还是那张空白的纸呢？
                其实，我们都是有价值的，因为我们是神的精心杰作。唔………神，存在吗？当然有！今天有很多的人都说我们人是从大爆炸出来的，不然就是石头变出来的，或者以进化论判定人是猴子进化的…..@@...若是猴子进化，那么今天所存在的orang utan 是进化的失败吗？人的样貌是可以从父母亲看出来的，就是说，我们的样貌会有点像我们的父母亲。那么世上第一个人的样貌像谁呢？当然是从神而来啊。其实，人的创造是不能以科学来论断的，而是在圣经里-神的创造。
                那么，我们的价值呢？努力读书，努力赚钱，赚了大钱，然后怎样？我们里面还是存有这空虚感，因为这都不是我们生活的目的啊！真正的目的，乃不是为自己活，是为别人活。把努力放在别人的身上，把希望和盼望放在别人的心上，造就他人，这才是目的，这才是价值啊！哈哈，我不是叫你现在放下学业，放下工作，只是我们工作和读书的目的不是为我们自己，是为了造就别人。当我们不为这自己活时，价值就出现了，因为我们为了别人而牺牲我们自己，谦卑自己。
                所以，调整下我们生活的目的吧，让生活活得更有意义！

Chapter 21: 你 = 独特！

每个人都是独特的，都是由我们的创造者上帝精心的杰作。所以呢，你我在世并非偶然。

当然，上帝创造我们时，祂已把祂美好的计划放在我们里头，好叫我们能够活出更精彩的生命。其实，上帝造我们的目的，很简单，那就是......

1. 发挥我们的功能
上帝所造的每一样东西都有他们/它们的功用。比如说一棵苹果树，它的功用是要结出苹果来。若苹果树结不到苹果，那就废了它的功用。同样的，我们人被造的功用，就是发挥我们的潜能，我们的才华。在上帝造人类时，祂把各种不同的恩赐与才华在我们的生命里。举例来说，一些人很厉害唱歌，或弹音乐，等。当我们有这一类的才华时，就应当发挥出来。你可以问，要如何发挥我们的才华啊？很简单的，就是自我赏识。欣赏自己，认识自己。很多的时候我们无法找出我们的才华，是因为我们不爱自己。不防试一试对自己有更多的爱心，那自然而然我们里头就会产生信心。这信心能够让我们更勇敢去行更多的事。当我们敢做，我们就会看到我们自己的才华了。

2. 祂爱我们 
就如我刚说的，上帝把祂美好的计划放在我们的里头。所以我们在这个世界上，不是偶然，乃是神的安排。今天世界上有不合法的父母，但没有不合法的孩子。可能我们是未经过父母的计划所生，但在神那里，这是祂的安排。你我都是神安排来到这个世界上，所以你我都是独特的。我们可能来自不同的家庭背景，一些或许是来自与破碎的家庭，可是神在你生命里头，有美好的计划........

Chapter 20: 神信得过你吗？

哈，好久没post东西了，不好意思哦，久等了我的kaki们.....(dunno have or not)......哈哈哈！傻笑了...

上个礼拜真是个忙的week。从拜一就seminar seminar seminar到礼拜。啊！累死了.....

虽然是累，虽然是苦，可是，我觉得是值得的。那天，在教牧研讨会时，听了刘彤牧师的道，给我反省了一刻。（刘彤牧师是来之台湾的）

他说，神会不断塑造我们的生命，有时会让danger临到我们生活，为了是要test我们。可是，当danger来到时，他就问我们 2 个问题......

1. 你信得过神吗？
无论什么困难临到你的生活，你还是信得过这永生神吗？相信祂能帮助你吗？
“当然！”，我心这么想....一定是信得过嘛！神叻，一切的帮助都是从祂而来，靠着祂凡是都能做...过了一会儿，牧师又问第二个问题.....

2. 神信得过你吗？
你忠心吗？虽然你祷告了很久，祷告了又祷告，寻求了又寻求，可是神还是没回应，你还会忠心依靠祂，说祂是主吗？如果危机来到，甚至导致生命的危险，你还能忠心于神吗？
我突然停顿了一刻，整个人几乎停止了。思想一篇空白，不晓得为什么，就是没反应，前一个问题我还点头点头，可是现在，就在座位上，呆了一段时间.....

哇，真是个挑战的问题，果然神会试练我们到这个地步，我在想，我应该没么那么大的勇气去面对着一种的挑战。后来我就来到主面前悔改，求神帮助，成为各忠心的仆人.......

那么，同样的，你信得过神吗？神信得过你吗？

.......yeah.......

yeah, love this new picture.....New picture, new goal, new theme, new approach...

Chapter 19: Thanks...^^

thanks to........the jie jie.....
who gave me that box of chocolates....
i post this blog with no other motives...
the only thing is post my gratitude up here...
actually i didn't expect to have any gift....
but maybe is God's arrangement....
maybe He sees how much i'd give....
and decided to bless me back....
through this i know...
our God remembers us...
don't be disappointed because no one sees your efforts...
and don't be sad because what you did has no return...
but remember...

our God remembers us...

thank you God,
You showed me something again...

and thank you too sister....^^

Chapter 18: 拿成绩的时候

25 号那天，就是拿成绩的时候。

心里都不害怕，不紧张，无法形容出那个感觉，很平静。
当时我还在家呆了15分钟，只是坐在沙发上，眼目瞪着前面空白的墙壁......
别人都在紧张发抖，甚至一些都睡不着，

更厉害的是一些不敢自己拿成绩，就托了父母帮他们拿，
那我呢，就坐在沙发上，还在看墙壁......

突然想回昨天和我聊天的朋友，她说不是没感觉，而是我知道胜败在于神。
真的是这样吗？我还在怀疑，可是那个答案给了我许多的安慰。
我非常感谢她，若不是这个大案，我想我应该还在徘徊。

终于拿了成绩，看见别人愁眉苦念的样子，我心里几乎麻醉似的，没感觉。
有人哭，有人大喊，有人愁脸，可是没人笑.....

我呢，脸上就摆着无感觉的样子出来，虽然考到的成绩不是那么好，

或许是我想逃避，不想去理它了吧...

看来，我还是不能逃避。电话一通一通地来，

我也好像机器人把一样的句子和答案一句一句地念给他们。

到了晚上，更头痛的事有来了，亲戚朋友们都从不同的地方打来，

都要知道我的成绩....

“啊，这样行吗？”，“这种成绩上到大学吗？”，“大学会收你吗？”........

好多的问题，好多的烦恼。还好，平时讲我的老爸，今天突然没出声......

那天，也有人鼓励我。我心想，我这样的成绩，应该会受到别人的批评，论断。

没想到第一个人鼓励我的是，我的补习老师。接着，就是牧师.....

忽然心里有这温暖的感觉，感觉上原来在这冰冷的冬天，还有温暖，

我的心情，就从这冰冷的冬天，慢慢地，转向温暖的晴天......

看到身边的朋友的成绩都好过我。唉，还想当什么领袖呢，

连这个都胜不过他们，感觉上领袖因该由他们来当。

成绩不好，印象也跟着跌，那也会遭到别人的看不起，

怎么当领袖呢，简直没资格......

不过，错误是错误，重犯不可。

应该从新站起来，补救自己，好让能够成为更好........

Chapter 17: Being Loved

“It is better to be Loved and Lost, than not to have both of them at all”

I was 11 that time, when I discovered I had an attraction to the person of the opposite sex. The feeling that is greater and beyond admiration……..it was love. I know, this is the time where boys like us developed a feeling to search the person they find “suits them”.

Some of my classmates had started this “search” and some had success and guess what, a couple was in my class not long. They sat together, talked together, and were smiling at each other every time. Somehow or rather I began to have this feeling and thoughts, “isn’t it wonderful to love….” But love only began when two person of the different sex have the same feelings towards each other, and to have feelings some would need to develop it, by attracting the person of the opposite sex so that he or she may show interest in you.

I was 11 that time; I had this classmate, a boy. He was strong physically, matured, and good looking. Well, his god looking and matured personality attracted many to have feelings for him. I was sitting by the corner of the class, staring at him and the people surrounding him. How I wish I could be like him, being famous in the crowd, and being loved by….girls, knowingly that it wouldn’t happen because I had nothing that can compare with him. I was 11 that time.

9 years had passed, and I’d grown much, currently waiting for my STPM results. Looking back at the past, I’d notice it was just a glance and 9 years had passed, without knowingly my “wish” had came true. I was now, being loved, by others of the opposite sex. Initially I thought it would be glamorous to have that, but in reality, it wasn’t. Love is something wonderful and dangerous, it’s like a burning fire that can enlighten someone or burnt someone on the other hand.  I wonder how was the feeling of the boy I knew 9 years ago who was being loved by many girls.

Being loved was great, but what if there’s only an attraction in one party and not both? That hurts, though. Relationships may collapse due to this, friendship may end in a glance, and hatred will take its part.

I confess, I had feelings towards her, and I know it’s not hidden after all, thanks to my “speakers and amplifiers” around me. Sometimes I received negative feedbacks, and some teasing, about me and her things. Till now, I still have feelings for her, yet waiting for her, to give a confirmation, though sometimes people will say, “she’s yours”, “she actually have feelings for you too” and other stuffs; but, that’s other people’s thinking, not hers.  Some might want to cheer me up and come up with this, who knows. What really matters is her thoughts towards me.

Matters turned complicated when someone came in and say someone have feelings for you knowingly you already had a target. It’s like you can’t turn her down because you love someone, and you can’t accept her because love is loyal. But anyway, you still need to choose. I really hope things can be normal again, because I really don’t want to hurt anyone. I just hope…… We still can be friends, although I turn you down, you feel depress and sad. I just hope……We still can care one and another like friends as we used to be, not because you want to stay away from me.

Hmm…….Love, is complicated eh, anyway, it’s an experience. An experience that one will never forget; maybe you were hurt before by the fire, or sad by the decision decided; but as the days pass, wounds shall be healed and the new light will shine, showing the new path to head on……..

Chapter 16: Gua Musang Mission

18th Feb 2010

Our team went for mission at Gua Musang. Some may say, "hey CNY still go to work ar??" Well, i did thought of that throughly, wonder why i'm doing this. But, this mission is a blessing, not only it blessed the people over there, we also received the blessing from God too, guess papa up there in heaven is always taking care of us.

We started off at the morning, not a good one for me, kena scold by pastor in the early morning, haiz....

Anyway its just a scold, and i believe its the devil that's behind all this, he wants to steal, kill and destroy. But think again, we were strong. Before we left church, we prayed first, and unity came upon us as we prayed together. Heh, thank God, it works...:)

We left church at 9:30am, and guess who's the driver....

Me la!! lolx...                                         
                                                                

AND.......

Heh heh..... we two la.... Drove and drove..... It was a long journey though. Finally we reached there, at around 3pm, went hunting for lunch. But because of CNY festive seasons, many chinese restaurants have closed early, hence......nothing to eat. We walk for one round and came back sadly, haha, and hungry. So we end up eating at the malay stall next to the hotel inn. But but before that we took this:

and this:



















wonder where's pastor meng....haha

Anyway, it was a tiring day, but we're all excited. Everyone worked hard, and you know what's God's blessing? Growth, i think so..... We learn how to cover up each other's weak points. When there's a loophole, we cover it; and everyone was so willing to do. Suddenly i felt how come we can be so excellent in outside and not in our church......Well, thank God also, we enjoyed a lot. Here is some of our pictures:

USHER TEAM

AND THIS.....wonder where am I....

After everything.....everyone went out makan, minum. Mr. Aaron also gave us ang pow, thank you mr!!!!

(if he can hear la)....hahahahaha!!!

.................rubbish-ed post......

oh man, Penang is so hot....Hot dao.....walaowe......

-heard that its almost 40 degrees Celsius....
-heard that it din rained for days...
-and i......have been drinking water and water, and oh shit.....my body is getting hotter and hotter...
-why is it so hot??
-oh man. hope i'm still fine when i come back so that can go mission....
-ulcers, swollen.....argh!!
-in Jesus name be gone!!!!

Chapter 15: CNY, Bless, and Be Blessed

I enjoyed the moment, where they handed me a red packet, where it's fully stuffed, and thick. Plus when i open it, i can see lots of paper notes in it, of course it's not ordinary notes, it's money!!

Perhaps we should think, what is the meaning of Chinese New Year, is it the moment where we enjoy food, drinks and play? Not wrong; or is it we go "ang-pow hunting"? Not wrong either. But does Chinese New Year only existed for the purpose of enjoying?

I admire the Malays, where their new year (Hari Raya) they go visit the poor, blessing them with financial aide and food supplies. Maybe it's the time we also do so, mainly it's because, we don't wanna forget that is God who gave us this new year, and everyone deserve to have it.

This new year our church is going for a mission, in Gua Musang, certainly not cave ok..... Some may wonder why are  we still working during the new year period, aren't we suppose to enjoy? Some may think negatively too. But one thing for sure, this mission is to bring blessing to those not believers, and the blessing is Jesus Christ. There are almost 90 non-believers attending this service, mainly the locals there, and this time it's a evangelistic meeting. Well, i hope that many will accept Christ, as for this new year, God also wants to bless His children, i believe that accepting Jesus Christ is one of the best blessing.

This mission might be tough, but we know that we ought to bring this blessing for the locals there, to let them know Jesus, and letting them know they had this eternal gift. I believe maybe this is the true meaning of new year, despite enjoying, that is bringing hope and life to the needy. If we bless others, i'm sure God will bless us too, and this new year is gonna be a whole lot of abundance.

Chapter 14: CNY, Be Thankful

Chinese New Year is around the corner, which means, its "harvest" time!! It's like dream to every kids and youth for CNY because they can get $$ from other married ones and without knowing their parents are one of them too....=.="

Oh well, that was my thinking over the past, though now i'm still longing for it just because i hope to get more "blessings" (ang pow lar, huiyo) from my uncles and aunties, haha, still the small kid though...... Strangely, wonder why this year i can't feel the new year atmosphere, it seems to be getting down and down. i still remember last time my neighbour used to blast new year songs with karaoke, and not forgetting the fire crackers and fire works. But recently, the atmosphere seem to be......down. Frankly speaking i only knew that new year was around by this Monday (8th Feb). Perhaps i'm working too hard? nah, nope, or is it my mind was full of stuff, maybe......But still, new year is one thing we as a Chinese, should celebrate with happiness.

Well, going for our reunion dinner this Saturday, with our three "Hing" families together. Though its just 3 families, but we're quite close among each other. Chat, talk, yell, scream, whatever...haha, still, we're close. Thus i'm learning to be thankful, that i have such wonderful families, knowing out there there are some people who don't go back for reunion dinner, some whose families are far away, overseas maybe; or some who are very busy, till they have no time for reunion dinner; or some family bonds are not close, relationship problems; or some who doesn't have a family too.

Hence let us be thankful, thankful for what we have, and not just eat, drink and play, and forgetting those who are in need. Be thankful.......

Chapter 13: Back To Step 1

2010, is not a good start for me, wonder why………….. Many things had gone bad, seems like people around me had change their way and mindset on treating me. Perhaps I’m thinking too much, or perhaps, this is called “adulthood”. Wonder what are my seniors thinking or going through when they’re at my age, but anyhow, I felt that some changes from me recently, it’s like the older I grow, the weaker….i go. I don’t know, maybe this is called “inner stress”? Or what so ever. Some things which I like, I began to show disgust on it, what’s more with those that I don’t like. It feels like I don’t have the eagerness to like something, oh well…….crap…*sigh

I…..just don’t get it. I can’t get what they want, or what they want to convey, I’m just confused. I really hope that someone who can really stand by my side and tell me what the heck in the world is going on with me. Is my world turning apart or is the world turning apart…. *sigh

Responsibilities,  responsibilities, and responsibilities, its like a heck of a mountain. What’s worst is I’m bearing other people’s responsibilities. Being “The Black Sheep” ain that fun, though. Bearing other people’s pain for their gain, it’s like shit to me. *sigh

Yea, 4M, Model, Motivate, Mentor, Multiply. How I wish, I can have a model, how I wish, I can have someone to follow, but no. They’re all gone; I’m just a lone ranger, with a bunch of people around me, lost too. Why, are they scared? Are they afraid to take up responsibilities, are they afraid to lead? Are they scare to be model of the small ones? I don’t know. Motivate, yea, at least I had some. But still, it isn’t perfect. Mentor, *sigh……………………… Multiply, I feel like being divide than multiply.

Right, these complain, condemning, such words from me, a model to the young ones, a leader for the future. Maybe I’m climbing too high, maybe the air pressure on the top is lower, that makes me unable to breath, maybe I’m just too fast, or too high, maybe I should stop, or hang on, from pressing on, maybe, I should go back, should I restart? should I reset? or to go back……to step one……..